dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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