STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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