his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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