just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
