i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
