I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
