Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i now understand why vodka
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
