Nicole vs. Life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
