the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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