I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize