Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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