Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
