??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
