ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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