I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
