Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
