THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
