Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
