at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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