A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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