I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
