I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My penis needs a shock collar
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
