'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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