Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
