OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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