just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
