I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
