What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
