God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
