Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
