C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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