i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
