Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
