There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
