that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
