cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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