My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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