the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
