i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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