he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
