eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize