Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
