I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
