hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
