You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if only i could text you this smell
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
