just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
...so i touched it.
I puked a lego.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
