Someone shit on the floor
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
