Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
