well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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