12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
