I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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