He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
