Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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