Will you blow on my dice?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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