Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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