Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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