dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We talked him into tasing himself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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