omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
