You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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