i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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