when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
