i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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