Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
