Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
