this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
