Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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