wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
