Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
